Codependency & People-Pleasing
Are you struggling with codependency and people-pleasing?
Codependency can look like “people-pleasing” in relationships or even with people you may not know very well. You may feel incredibly uncomfortable believing that someone is upset with you and will go out of your way to appease them and get in their good graces – even if that involves sacrificing what you truly want.
Codependency can also look like bouncing off what other people say and adopting other people’s ideas and values because you don’t know how or are too afraid to stand on your own. You may feel the need to fix other people’s issues and find yourself in the role of caregiver or savior, and struggle setting boundaires in relationships. On the surface, you may appear “go-with-the-flow,” have a likeable personality, be sweet and cheerful, however, under the surface, you are often brewing with resentment, anger, anxiety, and depression because you feel you are constantly bending over backwards for people, yet you do not get the same treatment reciprocated.
What is codependency and what makes a person become this way?
Codependency is defined as an excessive reliance or attachment on external sources or people; sacrificing your own needs to focus on those of a partner, friend, or family member. Someone with these behaviors lacks boundaries in relationships and easily takes on other people’s emotions or problems. Codependency is a mindset, and if these traits are showing up in one relationship you have – they’re most likely going to show up in others too until they are addressed and worked on. The core of this behavior is a lack of identity and sense of self. You have spent so much of your life in survival mode, putting others needs first that you haven’t had time to focus on your own.
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Codependent behaviors are often learned in childhood as a method for the child to get their needs met. Children are resilient and adapt to their circumstances, and when a child grows up believing they need to be or act a certain way in order to be accepted and loved, they learn to self-abandon their own needs and wants in order to gain the approval of their caregivers, friends, and/or family.
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Some risk factors for developing codependent behaviors are:
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Childhood abandonment or neglect
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Narcissistic parents or caregivers
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Anxious or avoidant attachment styles in parents
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Childhood abuse or trauma
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Parentified children
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Children of Alcoholics or Addicts
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Dysfunctional family dynamics
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How can codependency be addressed and worked through?
As your therapist, I help you address the patterns of codependency and people-pleasing that are currently showing up in your life, and help you implement real life strategies to identify the root causes of these issues and get out of this loop.
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Some of the methods in breaking the chains of codependency are learning how to:
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Derive your worth internally instead of externally
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Set boundaries in relationships
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Identify where you are self-abandoning in your life
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See through an empowered lens
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Cope with feelings of guilt and resentment​
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Communicate your needs effectively
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Let go of things outside of your control
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Allow other people the opportunity to take responsibility for their own issues
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