Love > Fear

What does it mean to face reality? It can mean many different things to different people considering everyone’s reality is unique to them and their own lives. When I think of reality, I think of “what is.” The truth. The current circumstances of your life today. Reality encompasses your situations, your daily life, your current mindset, the relationships you have with people in your life and so much more. When we choose to get real with ourselves and face reality, we are choosing to take responsibility for our lives and the patterns we may be replaying. This is huge AND can be extremely difficult.

If you think about it, our daily routines are made up of so many things that take us away from reality – distractions (our phones, substances, overworking, gossiping, etc.) which can all be categorized as coping mechanisms of avoidance. Our days can often be filled with more avoidance tendencies than reality-facing tendences and this does not happen by accident. Human beings are designed to seek comfort, to seek safety. Facing our issues head on and addressing negative patterns in our life are not comfortable things to do, they require work and getting out of our comfort zones.

It takes tremendous courage to explore our deep-seeded attachment patterns and to face some challenging topics that are painful. It no doubt is probably easier to distract yourself from these realities and choose avoidance tendences like numbing out over them. The real issue here is that each time we choose to avoid facing our issues, we are also sending a message to our brains that we are not worthy of being fought for and that ignoring issues is the way to handle your problems. In turn, this naturally spans out to all other areas of your life as well because our brains do not have a way of differentiating which issues should be met with facing and which should be met with avoidance. And this… right here… is how generational trauma is formed. The people in our lives, our spouses, our family, our children, our friends, also feel the effects of this way of dealing (or un-dealing) with things, which is dysfunction.

When we avoid major issues in our lives, we are lessening our capacity for life. We lessen our capacity for connection, for love, for realness, for reality. The effects of this are limitless and expansive and harmful. Avoiding reality only postpones and grows problems. Issues are still there even if you ignore them, the truth is that when we choose not to face or meet our needs, they will still make themselves known regardless and it is usually in much messier and harmful ways. Avoiding reality is not love. It is fear.

Dysfunction runs deep in family systems and has a lasting impact. Mental health issues are at the root of dysfunction, and they can make it extremely difficult or even impossible to get yourself out of the path you’re on. When we try to deal with these issues alone, it can feel isolating and shameful, which prolongs the cycle of not seeking help and staying in this loop. Choosing to get help for dysfunctional patterns that are keeping you in a negative cycle is an act of courage, an act of love. This act also can also begin the redirection of the loop and reinforces to yourself that you are worthy of healing and living a functional life. This redirection can open the doors to a new world.

What, then, could facing reality potentially look like? I am a huge proponent in that if you are going to explore worst case scenarios, it is only fair to explore best case scenarios as well. Facing reality means choosing love over fear. It is saying, I know this is hard and uncomfortable, but I am worthy of what is on the other side of this discomfort. Facing reality allows endless possibilities and doors to open. When we start listening to ourselves, our bodies, our needs, we are simultaneously declaring to ourselves and to the rest of the world that I am worthy, I have power and I know it. Wow. What could possibly come from that kind of mindset? Absolutely anything. What a gift to yourself, to your family, to the world.

In each decision we make, whether big or small, we are faced with the decision of choosing love or fear. You will know this difference because love lives in reality. It is the present. You will know when you make a decision out of love because it will feel like alignment. Even if it is the harder decision, you will feel a sense of knowingness that this is right for you, a sense of relief. Fear, on the other hand, will feel like you are abandoning yourself. It will feel out of alignment, exhausting, heavy, uncontented. Listen to yourself. Our bodies hold all the cues we need to make decisions that are rooted in love, and further along the path of home to ourselves. You will know it when you feel it. Trust yourself. Choose yourself. Love > Fear.