You Will Be Gutted By This Work

Last week was incredibly rough for me. I had a migraine or a stomach bug or both and my equilibrium was off for days and nothing I could do to try to speed up the getting better process was working. Last Wednesday was also supposed to be the first day of my Trauma-Informed Strength Training Group that I had been working on for months and had people signed up and depending on me to show up. I was hoping I would feel better by Wednesday morning, but the morning came and I still felt really bad. I started crying. I knew I had to cancel my Group and let my participants know and it was such a daunting feeling.... Why did this have to be happening today of all days? What a bad first impression - how unprofessional! After some thought and some conversations with my support network, I knew what I had to do... and what happened? Absolutely nothing. Everyone was so understanding and gracious and were fine with group starting the next week.

What no one tells you about working hard towards something - is that you will be let down so many times in the process and it will hurt like hell. You will be gutted by this work. Putting your all into something comes with so many stakes and it requires you to be patient to reap the benefits, sometimes very patient for a very long time, and it can be so difficult. I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to turn back around and say nope, this is too hard, it's just not working out, it's not the right time, I need to find more stability and just have a clear plan. That is fear talking. While fear can make a lot of sense and is totally valid, it will not allow you to get to the other side of what you are truly working towards.

Another thing - there have been so many times in the past when I have been working towards a goal that I HAVE turned back around, forfeited, decided it wasn't for me and gave up. For the last ten years or so I have been steadily working towards "something," a certain vision that I couldn't quite place. There were many roads that I took trying to get towards my goal that for one reason or another did not work out. I believe it's because I wasn't ready to face myself fully and do the work fully that was required to complete and follow through with my goals.

There have been times where I was so set on a goal and the steps were clearly planned out in front of me, but when push came to shove, I just couldn't seem to fully follow through until the end, which always left me feeling confused and disappointed in myself. I wasn't a quitter, I knew that in my core, but then why was it so hard to just continue with this goal I had set out for myself? I couldn't name it then, but looking back I see that I hadn't fully accepted myself, faced my trauma and worked through my inner demons enough to be able to face the shadows that would inevitably pop up on the path towards accomplishing my goals.

This dark stuff - your inner demons - can be easier to avoid when you are not digging down deep in your core. That's why it can sometimes be easier to stick to our comfort zones and do the things we already know how to do. However, anyone who has worked really hard towards a goal - whether it be owning their own business, starting a family, working through mental health challenges, focusing on their health, focusing on finances, working on their marriage, or anything else - will tell you that digging down deep and battling with your demons is unavoidable. This work will leave you gutted, and you have to be able to face those hard times and not turn away and go back down another route when sh** hits the fan.

If you are currently working towards something in your life, and it is feeling difficult and daunting, know that this doesn't mean that it's not for you or that it's just not working out. This is a normal part of the process when you are getting out of your comfort zone and working towards something outside of your normal scope. You will be gutted by this work. In fact, this work will require you to feel this pain before you can get to the other side because there is no going around it, you must go through it. You deserve to live a live that is not held back my unresolved trauma and inner demons lurking around the corner. You can face yourself and your capacity for life will be greater for it.